make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
How naked do you want me to be?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
