I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
