the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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