My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
