I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
