Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
