A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
