I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
