the condom got lost in my hair
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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