I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
