drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
