All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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