There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
