Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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