well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
