my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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