Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
