And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Pooping to opera.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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