ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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