Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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