Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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