I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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