just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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