plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize