why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize
