we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
