if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
