I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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