yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
