The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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