Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
