Her vagina should come with caution tape.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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