Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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