no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
A bitchslap is in order.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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