I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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