I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
