i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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