dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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