:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
