a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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