There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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