Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
