Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
