ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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