I think im going to throw up on grandma
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
