Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
