6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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