Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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