I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
