I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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