would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
