Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
