just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
