if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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