please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
