I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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