Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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