He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
