Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
