It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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