Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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