Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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