guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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