Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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