i just had sex bonerless
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
