He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
