I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
