The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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