i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
