It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
