I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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