sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
